I love living in my dorm. I'm pretty settled in, got laptop locked down, everything here. Just need lightbulb for lamp, some minor items I left at home, and a few more textbooks. I'm averaging as of yet a curfew of like 2-3am. That's not too bad. A part of me is like, 'Dude, stay up later! Stay out later!' But then I'm like, 'Why for?' I have enough fun just being away from home and on my own. Plus, I wake up early so as to meet John and do the early stuff (i.e. work out at the rec center). But it's flexible anyway. Like, if I want to go clubbing or something like that.

Today is my last day of working full-time at the Vision Center. Tuesday, I do errand stuff and hang out with Mara. Wednesday, I'm going up to meet up with my three roommates to check out the room, which is possible because Kristin had to move in a day early. Thursday, I move in.

In the meanwhile, I'm in love with John. Eternally happy, despite anything that goes wrong. Or at least not unhappy for long, as long as I see John frequently. I have a growing sense of apprehension for the 29th. I'm beginning to miss everyone. Tara's all the way in Canada, Ben's an hour away I think by now -- the troika is separated. Everyone is separated. Although for now it doesn't feel like it because everyone I talk to online I still can talk to online. I have this fear that we will soon tire of coming online at all because of college being so wonderful. Soon we will lose contact with eachother. And I will never have the troika again, I will never laugh with Andy or Jess or Rachel or whoever else. I will have John. And the friends I make during college. But does it have to always be this way with me? I'm terrified of losing contact with my friends. It has always happened before. And I'm staring at my newly developed prom pictures, and then pictures from drama and homecoming, and my yearbook and I recall what an incredible time I had at RM.

But no more. It'll be 'what an incredible time I'm having at UMCP.' Everything from RM will be a memory that will fade as the days pass. The pain of the separation will sharpen briefly before disappearing entirely. Goodbye.

Flirty

Find out what anime character cliche you are.

Oh. Btw, I'm back. I've been back since Sunday evening. "South" ended up meaning Florida and we spent 3 to 4 days there. I got to watch Cirque du Soleil: La Nouba. Oh man, I love Cirque du Soleil. I thought it was incredible and I bought myself a soundtrack. That was in Downtown Disney and the best part of the trip. The following days we went to Magic Kingdom and then MGM. It was cool. And then we left the Disney resort (we stayed at Fort Wilderness) and went to Daytona. That was the one day it did not rain down in Florida where I was. Sunshine state my ass. :-P

I'll go into more detail later. Plus I got more updating to do.

I was right about my period coming up.

On another note, I leave tomorrow for vacation. I know, Deb, I know. But I still couldn't come because my parents essentially kept me home ANYWAYS. John was able to come over though. My family still doesn't know where we're going. Just, South somewhere. I don't want to go. I want to stay with John. Keep earning money. Then again, I like that I won't have to go to work for like a week.

I got my new glasses today. It makes me happy. Just to have new glasses. I got sunglasses too. Woo. So it all means I'll be using glasses again every now and then. I'm getting tired of contacts. Meaning my eyes are getting tired of them.

I want real chocolates. like, the kind you get on valentine's day.

chocolate. i feel like chocolate. Nick mentioned going to buy chocolate and i got a sudden craving. Jooooohn. *whines* heh. actually i'll just buy my own at work today.

i wanted to be there for him. if and when he needed me. i cared. i care about him. but he'll never believe/understand/know the extent of my feelings. he doesn't want to see me anymore.

shut up. so i'm mentioning kenny again. let me get this straight. i'm sorry for what i put down on this blog that made him look like a jerk. or whatever. i don't exactly take them back. just understand that there is another side to him. it's the part of him that i fell in love with. so shut up, and quit telling me to just let him go. i'm trying already. it's not like he's a complete asshole. if that were true, i would already have let him go. i would agree with you. he isn't a person that just takes and wants more. he gave me something. i dunno. i felt free and unrestrained with him. uncensored. he made me happy. he was sweet when he wanted to be. caring and thoughtful when he wanted to be. yet fun. he at one point promised to be there for me when i needed someone to talk to, or just to have fun. i needed his friendship because of that side of him made me care about him so much. so shut up and just understand. the way he's treating me isn't totally unfounded. i know i'm the one who rants, but i understand now. i understand him. i will be ok.

so leave me alone about my regrets and whatifs. don't try to reverse them, don't try to convince me that i am better off without him at all in my life. just be patient with me. wait until i can just deal with how i feel. help me deal with how i feel. i don't know how. i don't know what to do.

well. the only thing i relate to actually in that song is like the i'm walking away refrains. and sometimes people get me wrong, when it's something i've said or done. and but now i truly realize, some people don't wanna compromise. and well, i'm so tired. well, i don't wanna live my life, too many sleepless nights.

well, actually, alot of that song. except the whispers in the powder room and stuff. and that i'm female and craig david is male.

Craig David
Walking Away

I'm walking away, from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away, oh to find a better day
I'm walking away, from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away, oh to find a better day
I'm walking away
Sometimes some people get me wrong, when it's something I've said or done
Sometimes you feel there is no fun, that's why you turn and run
But now I truly realise, some people don't wanna compromise
Well, I saw them with my own eyes spreading those lies, and
Well I don't wanna live my life, too many sleepless nights
Not mentioning the fights, I'm sorry to say lady

I'm walking away, from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away, oh to find a better day
I'm walking away, from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away, oh to find a better day
I'm walking away

Well, I'm so tired baby
Things you say, you're driving me away
Whispers in the powder room baby, don't listen to the games they play
Girl I thought you'd realise, I'm not like them other guys
Cos I saw them with my own eyes, you should've been more wise and
Well I don't wanna live my life, too many sleepless nights
Not mentioning the fights, I'm sorry to say lady

I'm walking away, from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away, oh to find a better day
I'm walking away, from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away, oh to find a better day
I'm walking away

*arches an eyebrow, with a smirk*

Default
Wasting My Time

Well I don't want to see you waiting
I've already gone too far away
I still can't keep the day from ending
No more messed up reasons for me to stay

Well this is not for real
Afraid to feel
I just hit the floor
Don't ask for more
I'm wasting my time
I'm wasting my time
You can't stop the feeling
And there's no reason
Let's make the call
And take it all again
Woah again

Months went by with us pretending
When did our light turn from green to red
I took a chance and left you standing
Lost the will to do this once again

Well this is not for real
Afraid to feel
I just hit the floor
Don't ask for more
I'm wasting my time
I'm wasting my time
You can't stop the feeling
And there's no reason
Let's make the call
And take it all
I'm wasting my time
I'm wasting my time again
Woah again

See you waiting
Look so lonely
See you waiting
I see you waiting

Well this is not for real
Afraid to feel
I just hit the floor
Don't ask for more
I'm wasting my time
I'm wasting my time
You can't stop the feeling
And there's no reason
Let's make the call
And take it all
I'm wasting my time
I'm wasting...