All this week I have been in a great mood. Where nothing can get me down, *knocks on wood*. It's great. I feel like dancing. I barely stumbled when I found out that Kenny found the url to this blog. Heh. That really surprised me but whatever. It's not like I posted anything about his being hot or wanting to get into his pants and... err.. I mean.. ;)

Heh, he's cool. The playfulness is understood to be just that. :)
(Not sure if he still is reading this... he told me he stopped cause he felt bad.. but whatever. Hi Kenny!)

That Saturday, I hung out with Mehrnoush since she couldn't make it to my birthday thing. Ended up renting Selena and watching it at her apartment with these two tall as hell guys, my little sister, her little sister, and her little sister's friend (Angie). It was soooooo sad at the end. :( Good movie though.

Next day, Steam Heat rehearsal. Or rather, us trying to learn the dance while posing in raunchy positions for the camera. Scott was snapping pictures of us while we were practicing. Afterwards, Steven, Sherry, and I met Michael Leonard at Rio to watch A Beautiful Mind. That was a really good movie. And I'm usually more of an action/comedy movie girl. And it was all dramatic and stuff. I liked it.

Monday, Opera. After trying to get donated supplies and stuff from Lowe's and Home Depot (not really successful), we met Steven at the Wintergreen Starbucks where after a short term of discussing opera, we degenerated into practicing our handwriting and doodling. I came out of that with a new way of writing 'G.' Jess got a new signature. Muha. The things that amuse IB students.

Eighteen years, baby!

Heh. Yeah, it's been quite awhile since I last posted. Been so busy.
Yeah, Friday was my birthday. Went well; sorta resented having a tangle of ribbon and balloons following me the whole day, but it was ok. Until I found out that UMD apparently didn't get my test scores. HRM. (Btw, they did have them. Just didn't look at the back of the transcript RM sent them. ... assholes...) So I became hysterically upset. First time in many YEARS that I hyperventilated while crying. On my birthday. Yuck. People got me cheered up enough though. After set con, Mara and I went over to Jess' house, on the pretext that we were meeting her to go to the mall. Turns out...

People: 'Surprise! Happy Birthday!'
Me: 'YOU BASTARDS!'

It was all said in affection, really! Heh. It was great. I wanted to cry. We hung out, played cards, ate pizza, and then went ice skating. Conroy fell on his ass! Muha. I fell twice and both times it was because of a Ben. Well, I had pushed slightly on Ben Kingsland's back.. but he fell backwards, not forwards! Ben Evans however took a dive and I followed while dodging his blades. Ouch. I still loved every minute of that night. Mara, Dena, and Jess came over to my place and slept over. That was fun too.

The letter was stuck to my windshield. It really really really cheered me up like anything. Remind me to hug him tomorrow. And be nice for... say an hour or so. ;)

Which reminds me, tomorrow is my birthday.

Heh. Valentine's Day was alright. Felt down when I found that I STILL hadn't got anything from UMD (wtf is going on?). Plus I got furious at myself for getting all jealous of Mehrnoush and whoever else who got a rose from David. I'm supposed to be through! That and I'm trying to be all friendly (as in just friend friendly) and there's still the sense of awkwardness. And he pointedly ignores me during history, I think. WHATEVER! I'm sick of it.

I did appreciate everything my friends did to try to cheer me up. Kenny especially surprised me. He's a much nicer guy than he first appeared to me. Not to say I didn't think he was a nice guy. Just didn't know he'd care that much about a friend.

Ben Kingsland too was sweet. He wrote me this letter...
"Diane --
Seeing you down like today always really bums me out. I know we fight all the time and I tell you I hate you and all but that's all in fun. When things aren't so fun, well... I want to help. Bah... Words are whet I'm best at but, even so, it's hard for me to say what I really want to. Okay. So you know, you're one of the people whose acquaintance I cherish the most. You're a good friend and a fun companion, and though I'm not interested in you like I once was, I still feel a strong empathy for you. You're a great girl; smart, outgoing, funny, and talented; and the fact that you don't have a boyfriend only proves that men have no taste, and the fact that Maryland hasn't sent you that acceptance into Gemstone with a full scholarship only proves that mailmen are lazy bums. You've got everything going for you, even if it doesn't look like it now, and I know you're going to have a wonderful life after graduation. Things invariably do get better... or, anyway, it honestly does feel better to convince yourself they do. That said, buck up. There will be other Valentine's Days, better tomorrows, and other, hotter guys to write you notes. As Benny Van Buren says in Damn Yankees so insightfully, 'Wait'll next year, and hope.' See you.
-- Ben"

That was really sweet. I love you Ben.

Still nothing from UMD. Really beginning to bother me.

IA is over. Finito! Woo!

On the other hand, Valentine's Day is tomorrow. Eh. I'm partially looking forward to it, and dreading it at the same time. It's V-day. It sucks. But some friends have sent me roses and according to Jess, I'm getting at least three... Plus I got some V-day stuff to pass around to my friends. Well, whatever.

I am so putting off all of my homework. I feel so bad. I know I have physics to do. AND french. Senioritis, baby. It's SO bad!

Screw IA. And the admissions people? They can bite me.

What time is it now? 1:30am? Working on IA. But it got to me how I haven't heard aaaaaanything from Maryland yet. Nonononono, what if I don't get in? How bad would that be? I'm not exactly holding my breath for NYU or UVA, you know. Fuuuuuck.

Mike Ratpo was playing Roni's electric guitar today during set con. (I'm not really on the crew, but I like to pop by to help now.) And he started singing along too. And we know my weakness. Wahaha. I still think he is damn cute.

Hm. According to the 500 pt purity test at http://www.armory.com/tests, I am 85.4% sexually pure. I am 27% weird. And my average purity is 70.4%. Heh.

Mara and I were talking about social groups within classes. Like there are the popular/jocks, and the asians, and the drama group, and the 'nerds.' I emphasize the quotes there. And we discussed how we disliked how everyone talks smack about people in other groups. Without even knowing the person. Especially between the 'nerds' and the popular/jocks. I'm always like 'Look, you don't really know him/her.' I don't know the popular side, but as for the 'nerds'... It's like, I think they're being very hypocritical. So, perhaps they are being snobs. But then again, so are you. I dunno. That's how I understand it.

Am I being hypocritical? I admit that at times I feel like I am superior to some people, but I know that is not true. And I try not to act like it. I try not to diss someone behind their back. Like, I try to say something to the extent of, 'Yeah, well, I can see how he/she is annoying... I mean, when I talk to him/her I can't really stand it... but then again, I don't know him/her very well... I can't really make a decision.'

That's when I'm seriously in a conversation about other people. Yeah, I joke around with insults towards other people. Especially towards people like David. But those are not really serious. And I do have conversations about other people. But it's more like a discussion, not an behind the back insulting session.

I'm not saying I'm any better, actually. I might be doing the thing I'm criticizing. I just... I dunno. I try. :/

Boo. I'm a bad person.

Definitely feeling social. :) In other words, good mood.

Today, I got Barry (a sophomore) to buy 10 dollars worth of chocolate from me. Astonishing. Especially since he's supposedly selling the chocolate himself. Muha. That pleases me. I think he likes me. And... I couldn't help but take advantage of that, could I? :/

Well, he's a cool guy...

Eh. Feeling sort of sick. Not as bad as I had been feeling Tuesday. Still weak and sore and everything. Slightly. It's off and on. Like, earlier, right after my shower, I had a bout of dancing by myself in my room to the radio. And it wasn't even rhythmic or anything. Ok, yea, it went with the rhythm but it wasn't like 'cool' dancing. Just wild flailing and jumping around. Muha. There's nothing more energizing than carefree prancing around the bedroom.

Is it just me or do I seem to be overemphasizing my good mood? I really am feeling this good, honest! I think it's the chocolate. Although I've been good and haven't had one yet. I think just the fact that it's sitting right here. Ohhhh.

By the way, friends... Buy chocolate from me! Nobody else! ;) Pleeeease?

I feel sorta guilty. Yesh, I'm in the Muse Opera Company. Yes, I'm a set designer/carpenter/electrician. But, did I do anything productive today at our meeting? No. Hell, not even going to call to ask for monetary donations, etc. Left that to Jess and Manpreet. Eh. I'll figure out something to do.

Heh.

Instead, I read the script. Blargh. Ben should have just taken control and written the whole thing. But whatever. It was fun sitting in on the actor/actress readthrough. Flirting with Khalid. Grinning while David kept sneaking peeks at me. Ok, so I'm probably just making it more than it was. I was in his line of sight. That's all. :) Hah. It's STILL fun to imagine things that way.

Speaking of David, I think I'm through obsessing. And I don't feel depressed about it. Woohoo! Well, right now. Though maybe it's just this euphoria that will last for who knows how long. Eh. Not concerning myself about it. :) I'm loving life again.

Except for the fact that my throat hurts. I think I overdid singing out loud with the radio... Waaaaah. Best mood ever.

I was in such a good mood today. Even though it was the first day of my menstrual cycle. And hell, it's always the worst the first day. Except when the worst day is the second... Er. Well, point being, I felt really crappy physically. But mentally and emotionally, I was the best ever. Dude, I couldn't stop dancing behind the wheel of my car (during stoplights especially) while I was driving home. Especially to the song 'Billie Jean' by Michael Jackson.

Muha. I'm still a big fan. I mean, there was a time when I was little and I gave into the bandwagon of kids who didn't like his highpitched voice... But I've always enjoyed the music. And now, I'm fine with expressing it. I think it shows how far I've come. Individuality. I revel in my individuality now.

Or... How about if that's just because it's 'cool' now to be your own person? Is it possible to be joining the crowd in being yourself? Am I making sense? In any case, I do like how I've turned out, at least for the most part. (I still detest the trouble-getting-dates part.) I just wonder if I'm strong enough to stay myself if I go to a place where everyone wants to be like everyone else. Will I forsake my individuality then? Mm. One of my fears of college.

I'm my own person. Yet I'm nothing without my friends. Ok, not true. But I like having them around. It's more fun being me when there are other people around. What can I say? I get more energy the more people are there. Extroverted. Muha.

Random. Ok, not really. I can actually trace my thought processes here. Sorta. Hell, who cares? I'm in a good mood. :)

Jane is cynical, intelligent, and talented (she is a budding artist). Like any good artist, Jane constantly explores the passionate and emotional side of the world. She believes paint-by-number kits are inherently evil.

Hrm. It's 12:20 am already? Wow.

Alright. I'm fine people. Thanks for all your concern, no sarcasm intended. I get really emotional sometimes. That was just one loooooong bout of depressing shit. Honestly now, I'm not completely happy-go-lucky and crap. But I don't hate the world anymore. I'm back to wanting to do stuff. Not all energetic but enough so that get up willingly. So, really, I'll be fine.

Thank you to my friends who helped cheer me up and shtuff. I love you.