He kissed me! David kissed me! This morning in fact! Heh, midnight precisely.

Ok, here's the deal. Jessica's end of the year party was last night. David came late because of another party but that's alright. We stuck together the whole time he was there. We even slow danced! And freaked too. :P Well, anyhow, he had to go because of provisionals and all. So he goes and says goodbye. I'm not expecting anything because of how it usually ends: a simple goodbye, nothing really special. But then he takes my hand to walk with him to his car. We talk a little bit. But then he leans over and kisses me. It lasted awhile and it would have lasted longer had I known the oncoming car was not my Dad's. :P I didn't want my parents to have new teasing material. But it wasn't my Dad, so I kissed David goodnight once more and then let him go.

When I returned to the party, everyone was like congratulating me. Jess must have been telling them how I had liked him for like 3 years. Jess was like, 'Wow, girl, you were up there a long time.' And Ben was like, 'It's about time!' It didn't hit me that he had kissed me until I went back down to the party. Then I was like, 'Mm.. I _like_ David... wait... what just happened? Ohmygod.. he kissed me. He _kissed_ me!' I mean, this is a guy I've liked for three whole years. Well, given it has been off and on, but still! He has gorgeous eyes...

I'm still in serious disbelief. I keep thinking about past times I've talked to him and everything. I can't believe he kissed me. He's got the softest lips... I want to see him again soon. I'm so obsessed now with him.

Hah. I'm so much more calmed down from yesterday. I talked to the drivers ed people and they said I could miss tomorrow's class. Thank God.

Things are going well with me and David. Ok, David and I, whatever. (stupid IB) Yes, again. It always goes back and forth. But tomorrow is Jessica's party... He said he'll be there.

He's growing a beard by the way. Oh man, I can't really imagine him with a beard. He's got scruff right now but a full beard? And his senior pictures are tomorrow. Heh. And he's all scruffy. Maybe I'll get to talk to him tomorrow about it. I really like him. I've increasingly been thinking about him. And the four people I've asked say that he likes me back. They want me to ask him out. But I can't. I actually like him. I'm not comfortable enough about doing that. Oh man, David.

Well then. Before I start off, I apologize for any profanity.

That said.

I hate my fucking mom. She's always pulling some shit so I don't get to do what I fucking want to do. I mean, she KNOWS how much I was looking forward to this party this Friday. But then she just fucking screws it over. Well, duh, I've been saying that my permit expires at the end of this month. Uhm, yeah, I'll just renew it. Uh, of course, I want to go the party. Yes, it's fucking important to me. It's not fucking fair. Every time, I swear.

I'm not coming home Friday. I'm going with Jess. And if that screws up my drivers ed crap that she just now decides to let me go to, so be it. I don't care. It's their problem. They're the ones who wouldn't let me take it earlier. And they're the ones who will have to drive me places. So they're fucked. Not me. I don't even really care if my mom cancels this drivers ed like she's threatening. I mean, it's not like I have a care anyhow.

Damn bitch.

Well, Kev apparently is letting me off. Like, what happens, happens, you know? And besides, I reassured him that I wanted it to be us in the end.

Well, I think I do.

I'm not quite sure... I don't know if I even really need him anymore. Well, anyhow, we'll at the very least remain best friends. And no matter what, I want to meet him face-to-face. Who can tell what'll happen face-to-face?

Anyhow, Jess's birthday party is this Friday. So is Ben's end of the year party. It sucks. I would have gone to both. But well, see, Jess is like my best friend, you know? So I'm going to have to go to her party. Which I don't mind all that much. In all honesty, I enjoy her parties over all others. And, well, heh, David will be there.

Yeah, about David... I think he likes Kate Nagle. Well, I dunno actually. I haven't been able to talk to him or hang out with him. At least, lately. And the party will give me a chance to. Heh. The little bastard. You know, here's my theory. I get nervous around him. So nervous that I act stand-offish and stuff. Like I don't like him. I don't want him to think I like him. Which is weird. But I get the feeling it's the same for him. But I dunno. Maybe his friends don't think much of me so maybe that's why. I dunno. Wolff. Bastard. Heh. I dunno. I guess I like to call him names and stuff. I do it all the time. Like 'moron' or 'bastard.' But I really like him.

Oh, oh. Ben and Amy are going out! Ben K. and Amy G. I mean. They seriously make the cutest couple. I hung out with Ben alot today. Thank god the friendship is still a close one. At least in my opinion. The first time I found out, I felt awkward around him. For one thing, I had gone out with him a month or so ago and not sure if he thought I would not take it well or something. For another, when two good friends of mine hook-up with each other, I become distant towards the guy. So... Well, anyhow, yeah. Today I hung out with Ben for a long time. See, this week is exams. Today I had only one exam and it was in the morning. Both of us did. But then we had to stay in the area until after the second exam. So we just walked around Rockville. Basically just talking and keeping off the road. Yeah, we weren't really paying attention to where we were going. It was only till we had half an hour till we had to be back at school and found that we were about to go onto Rte 270 that we snapped back into attention. And it was so HOT! Both of us were wearing pants and neither of us had any water or anything. And by that time, we were tired of walking. Plus, we kinda got lost on the way back. Ben's fault. _I_ found the way back to school. :P When we sat down, we were like 'Ohhh, maaan, that feels sooo good.'

After the character counts skits (I didn't do too badly; it was so disorganized; the sixth graders weren't too bad), we got back to school 40 minutes before the buses would come. So Dina/Sharon/Ben/I all went out for some Vietnamese Soup. Pho. By then, it was cool cause I was reassured that Ben was still comfortable around me. He's so quiet usually so it's hard to interpret how he feels. And I really treasure his friendship so... But yeah, we returned to being playful with each other, like it was before the.. uhm... making out at Shakespeare rehearsal stuff. :P So I'm in a great mood. Got a great friend back.

Ugh, I've got french and history exams tomorrow. Crap crap crap. I hate french and I'm so worried about my history grade.

Last thursday, you know, May 31st. Day after my last post. It was the drama picnic. Played football. Heh. It was so fun. And again, David and I hit it off. Jess said that he liked me and that she would know, considering how well she knows him. I really like him now. I mean, I've always liked him.. but now I'm certain of my attraction. Today was Physics field trip to Kings Dominion. I can now say that I have ridden every single roller coaster there. David went too. Didn't get to hang out together. We're not really in the same social groups. But I mean, I pride myself on being fairly intuitive. To me, it didn't seem like he liked me. Course, he often looked at me and then quickly turned away when I glanced at him. Then seemed sorta nervous and stuff. That could have the meaning of either that he liked me, or thought (knew) that I liked him and didn't feel the same and so was distant and stuff around me.

Heh. Poor guy. He was locked out of his car because he lost his car keys.

In any case, Kevin is incredibly jealous. Yes, I told him. I tell him everything. Well, like my problems, you know? But he wants me to choose between him and David. Now.. I love Kevin. He's the best guy I've ever known. But he lives so far away. And it will be years until we meet. And I'm an affectionate person, you know? I need the physical part of the relationship, you know, cuddling and stuff. David, on the other hand, lives at the very least in Maryland and goes to my school. I'm attracted to him and so on. I just don't know what to do.

Whatever.

Btw, prom was cool. But the whole night, I was thinking about how much better it would have been had I gone with someone like David. Heh. Had my hair done up and everything. Oh man, I had so much fun getting all glammed up. Jesse was sweet. But I was thinking too much about David and stuff to really feel any more than friendship towards him. :P

I really like David. But I so do not want to lose Kevin. This totally bites.